Laughter is the best medicine!

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??"

For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves.

The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:

"Iron this."

It was a warm, summer evening and Ma and Pa were sitting on the porch swing enjoying the night sounds.

Suddenly, without reason, Ma hauled off and cuffed Pa a good one right upside the head, causing him to fall off the swing.

Dazed, Pa pulled himself up and asked, "What the hell was that for?"

"That was for 30 years of bad sex!" Ma said. Without replying, Pa sat back down on the swing next to Ma.

After a few minutes of silence, Pa hauled off and smacked Ma upside the head equally hard, knocking her off the swing.

Dazed, Ma pulled herself up and asked, "What was that for?"

"That's for knowing the damn difference!" Pa growled.

Since the wealthy couple had plans to attend an evening ball and would be out until very late, they told their butler he could have the night off to do as he pleased.

The couple went to the ball and dinner. After a couple of hours, the wife told her husband she was terribly bored and preferred to go home and finish some work for the next day.

The husband told her to go ahead, but he would have to stay for a few more hours to meet some important business partners.

The wife left for home and when she arrived, she found their butler sprawled out on the couch watching television.

She slowly moved towards him and sat down very seductively. She then told him to come closer. Then, closer still. She moved forward and whispered in his ear, ""Take off my dress. Now take off my bra. Now remove my shoes and stockings. Now remove my garter belt and panties."

She then looked deep into his eyes and in a very stern voice, shouted, "The next time I catch you wearing my clothes, you're fired!"

A sexy woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub...She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. Seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.

As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. "Are you the manager?"

She asked, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no," he replied.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him

" She said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes. I need for you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lips and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.

"Tell him," she whispered, " there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room

A man travelling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was occupied. The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant's ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons.

There next to the paper roll were four buttons marked WW, WA, PP and ATR.

Making the mistake so many men make of not listening to a woman, he disregarded what she said when his curiosity got the best of him.

He carefully pressed the WW button and immediately a gentle flush of Warm Water sprayed on his bare bottom. He thought "Wow" these gals really have it nice!!

So a little more boldly he pressed the WA button and body temperature Warm Air blew across his wet bottom and dried it comfortably.

"Aha" he thought, "no wonder these women take so long in the bathroom with these kinds of services!"

So he pushed the next button PP with anticipation. A soft disposable Powder Puff swung below him and dusted his bottom lightly with talc.

"Man, this is great," he thought as he reached out for the ATR button.

When he awoke in the hospital, the morphine was just wearing off...confused he buzzed the nurse to find out what happened.

He explained the last thing he remembered was intense pain in the ladies room on the plane.

The nurse explained, "Yes, you must have been having a great time until you pushed the Automatic Tampon Removal button."

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to one of those big "everything under one roof" stores looking for a job. The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid said, "Sure, I was a salesman back home in Texas."

The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to see how things went.

"How many sales did you make today?"

The young man replied without hesitating, "One."

The boss said, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

The kid said, "$101,237.64."

The boss said, "$101,237.64?! What the hell did you sell?!"

the kid said, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Blazer."

Amazed, the boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a truck?"

"No, he came here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"

The new Marine Captain was assigned to a recon company in a remote post in the desert.

During his first inspection, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent.

He asks the First Sergeant why the camel is kept there.

"Well, sir," is the nervous reply, "as you know, there are 250 men here and no women. And sir, sometimes the men have ... m-m-m.... urges. That's why we have the camel, sir."

The Captain says, "I can't say that I condone this, but I understand about urges, so the camel can stay."

About a month later, the Captain starts having a real problem with his own urges.

Crazy with passion, he asks the First Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent.

Putting a stool behind the camel, the Captain stands on it, pulls down his pants, and has wild, insane sex with the camel.

When he is done, he asks the First Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"

"Uh, no sir," the First Sergeant replies.

"They usually just ride the camel into town where the girls are."

Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her tomatoes to ripen.

Admiring her neighbour's garden, which had beautiful bright red tomatoes, she went one day and enquired of him his secret.

"It's really quite simple," the old man explained. "Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment."

Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her plants twice daily.

Two weeks passed and her neighbour stopped by to check her progress. "So", he asked, "Any luck with your tomatoes?"

"No", she replied excitedly... "But you should see the size of my cucumbers!"

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster. He was hoping he could get a special rooster"one that would service all of his many hens. When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied: "I have just the rooster for you. Henry here is the horniest rooster you will ever see!"

So the farmer took Henry back to the farm. Before setting him loose in the hen house, though, he gave Henry a little pep talk: "Henry," he said, "I'm counting on you to do your stuff." And without a word, Henry strutted into the henhouse.

Henry was as fast as he was furious, mounting each hen like a thunderbolt. There was much squawking and many feathers flying, until Henry had finished having his way with each hen. But Henry didn't stop there.

Henry went into the barn and mounted all of the horses, one by one, and still at the same frantic pace. Then he went to the pig house, where he did the same. The farmer, watching all of this with disbelief cried out, "Stop, Henry!! You'll kill yourself!!"

But Henry continued, seeking out each farm animal in the same manner.

Well, the next morning, the farmer looked out and saw Henry lying there on his lawn. His legs were up in the air, his eyes rolled back, and his long tongue hanging out. A buzzard was already circling above Henry. The farmer walked up to Henry saying, "Oh you poor thing, look what you did, you've gone and killed yourself. I warned you little buddy."

"Shhhhhhh," Henry whispered, "The buzzard's getting closer."

A wife tells her husband that she wants a fur coat for their 25th anniversary.

"Ha," snorted her husband. "The day I buy you a fur coat will be the day you grow hair on your chest!"

On hearing that, she hiked up her dress, pulled down her panties and thrust her pubic area forward. "There," she snapped, "I have hair on my chest. Now buy me a fur coat!"

"Silly woman, that's not your chest," he snapped back.

"Damn right it's my chest," she argued. "Before we married, it was your hope chest. On our honeymoon, it was your treasure chest. Since then, it has become our family chest ... and if you don't buy me a fur coat, it will soon be the COMMUNITY CHEST!"

After a long standing quarrel, a man noticed his wife was packing her suitcase to leave. He asked her, "What are you doing?"

The wife answered angrily, "I am leaving you and moving to New York. I heard even the prostitutes there get paid five hundred dollars for doing what I do for you for free here."

The next day when wife executed her threat and started leaving, she noticed husband was also ready with suitcase to go.

The wife asked the husband where he was going. The husband replied, "I am going with you to find out how you live on a thousand dollars a year in New York".

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. "What a peaceful & loving couple!" A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom on the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled. My wife quietly said, 'That's once'."

"We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.' "We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

"I started an angry protest over her treatment to the horse, while I was shouting she looked at me, and quietly said, 'That's once'.

And we lived happily ever after."

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp.

She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.

The Genie said, 'Nope...due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish.? So...what'll it be?'

The woman didn't hesitate. She said: 'I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other.'

The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed: 'Gosh, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish.'

The woman thought for a minute and said: 'Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful.? That's what I wish for...a good mate.'

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, 'Let me see that map again!'

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston

After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road.

When they check out four hours later, the desk Clerk; hands them a bill for $350.00.

The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00.

When the clerk tells him $350.00 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use.

"But we didn't use them," the man complains.

"Well, they are here, and you could have," explains the Manager. He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows," complains the man again.

"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replies.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the Manager. The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says,

"this check is only made out for $50.00."

"That's correct," says the man. "I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife."

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

"Well, too bad," the man replies. "She was here and you could have."

A guy and a girl meet at a bar.

They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.

The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, says "Yes....how did you figure that out?"

"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing led to another and they make love.

After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"

"Didn't feel a thing!"